Jokes.com :)

1. A man frantically speaks into the phone, "My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only two minutes apart!"
   
   "Is this her first child?" the doctor asks.
   
   "No, you idiot!" the man shouts. "This is her husband!"
2. A father sends his kid to bed. Five minutes later, the boy screams, "Dad! Can you get me a glass of water?"
   
   The dad says, "No. You had your chance."
   
   A minute later the boy screams, "Dad! Can you get me a glass of water?"
   
   The dad says, "No. You had your chance. Next time you ask, I'll come up there and spank you."
   
   "Dad! When you come up to spank me, can you bring me a glass or water?"
3. You're like school in the summertime -- no class.
4. Can I borrow your face for a few days?
   
   My ass is going on vacation.
5. I GOT A JOKE FOR YOU. LOOK IN THE MIRROR!! HA HA HA!!!
6. Tell me everything you know...I have a few seconds to waste.
7. You have so many gaps in your teeth, it looks like your tongue is in jail.
8. If someone ever says, “What are you staring at?”
   Say “I don't know, give me a minute.”
9. I'd like to see things from your perspective, but I can't get my head that far up my ass.
10. Why don't you slip into something comfortable…like a coma.
11. "Hey, how's your face feeling?"
    "Fine. Why?"
    "Because it's killing me!"

Time Management...

With the semester starting today... I gotta get back to good time management skills ;)

• School term/semester overview: develop, or plan for, blocks of study time
  About 50 minutes? How long does it take for you to become restless?
  Some learners need more frequent breaks for a variety of reasons
  More difficult material may also require more frequent breaks
  Place blocks of time when you are most productive, as morning person or night owl!
• Schedule weekly reviews and updates
  Sunday night may be an excellent time to review your calendar
  Be mindful that as deadlines and exams approach, your weekly routine must adapt
• Prioritize assignments
  When studying, get in the habit of beginning with the most difficult subject or task
  For more difficult courses of study, try to be flexible in your approach to success
  Build in “reaction time” when you can get feedback on assignments before they are due.
• Achieve “stage one”—get something done
  Don’t work the details until your assignment concept is fully developed.
  “Perfection is the enemy of good”, especially in the course of beginning an assignment.
  Given that you build in review, roughly draft your idea and proceed from there
• Postpone tasks or routines that can be put off until school work is finished
  Eliminate, delegate or delay non-essential tasks as part of prioritizing.
  Review for a test may be more important than enjoying a sport.
  and playing the game later will be more enjoyable without the pressure of the test.
• Develop alternative study places
  free from distractions to maximize concentration
• Use your “free” time wisely
  Think of times when you can study "bits" as when walking, riding the bus, etc.
• Review notes and readings just before class
• Review lecture material immediately after class
  (Forgetting is greatest within 24 hours without review)

So Cute!!!

Chihuahua born with love-heart pattern

"How much is that doggie in the window? I do hope that doggie's for sale." A Chihuahua puppy born in Japan with a natural heart shaped pattern on his coat has captured the hearts of animal lovers around the world. Heart-kun, as he has been named by owner Emiko Sakurada, was born on May 18, 2007, one of a litter of puppies at the Pucchin Dogs shop. His natural heart-shaped markings on his fur have made him an instant star in Japan. And it was a case of puppy love across the world as the tiny dog made television appearances worldwide. Shop owner Ms Sakurada got the surprise of her life when she saw the birthmark heart markings in the fur of her tiny pooch. She said it was the first time a puppy with these marks had been born out of the 1,000 animals that she has bred. Since Heart-kun was born, he has brought a lot of luck, according to Ms Sakurada. He sister got lucky on the lottery and won a concert ticket. Heart-kun's owner has been inundated with requests from people wanting to purchase the unique puppy. But they can keep their paws off him, she says, for her little four-legged friend ain't going nowhere! Thatsweird.net

Weirdest stories...

1. Tree Man: I want to get married
   One of many stories about Dede Koswara, the Javanese man with a mysterious skin condition that made him look like a tree. Recent hospital treatments have seen Dede look less like a tree, although there have been fears he may be suffering a relapse.
2. Student punished for spaghetti beliefs
   A North Carolina student who was suspended from school for dressing up as a pirate, which he claimed was part of his religion - because he worshiped the Flying Spaghetti Monster. The internet was outraged by the creeping fascism.
3. Man in unfortunate saw-mill penis incident
   An extremely popular, if self-explanatory, story: most of the comments were uncertain if there could ever be such a thing as a fortunate saw-mill penis incident.
4. The nude wet meat soil bandit
   The story of a naked man who broke into a house, filled the bathroom sink with meat, made a shrine out of a bongo drum and created trails of potting soil throughout the house.
5. Giant ice penis
   Not so much a story, as a picture:
6. Goat marriage
   The tale of Charles Tombe, the Sudanese man who in 2006 was forced by tribal elders to marry a goat after he was caught having sex with it, remains one of the most popular stories on the internet several years after it was first published. Every few months, the 2006 BBC article that started it all would jump back to the top of their list of most-read stories. Sadly, the goat - who was named Rose - died in 2007.
7. Cyclops kitten
   The pictures of Cy, a kitten born with a single, huge eye in the middle of its forehead, rapidly spread around the world in 2006. Many people thought it was a fake - but the pictures were genuine. Cy, who survived for only a few days, suffered from a developmental disorder known as holoprosencephaly.
8. Four kestrels
   Not necessarily the greatest story of the past ten years - it's a light-hearted animal story, about a farmer whose bedroom was repeatedly invaded in the night by a brood of birds of prey - but undoubtedly the greatest headline. Eternal congratulations go to whichever Hereford Times sub-editor came up with 'Four kestrels maneuver in the dark'.
9. The 'lightsaber duel' that wasn't
   The two people who supposedly tried to recreate a lightsaber duel by filling fluorescent tubes with petrol - which promptly exploded in flames, severely injuring them both - was passed around online as an example of the pinnacle of human stupidity. As it turned out, their stupidity lay in a slightly different, less Star Warsy - although no less idiotic - direction. Mark Webb, 20, was in fact trying to video a Jackass-style stunt so he could upload it to a website called Retardz. The stunt, in which he broke the petrol-filled tube over 17-year-old Shelley Mandiville's back, engulfed them both in flames. He was subsequently found not guilty of grievous bodily harm.
10. 'Hippo swallows dwarf'
    A classic tale of a dwarf who, as part of a circus act, bounced off a trampoline and accidentally got caught in a hippo's open mouth, triggering the animal's gag reflex and quickly being swallowed by the animal. The downside of this story is that, while highly amusing, it's even less accurate than the lightsaber story. It's an urban legend that's been doing the rounds since 1994, which occasionally gets picked up by an unwary newspaper and printed - leading to more excited forwarding of the story by the denizens of the internet.

Metro.co.uk

Food for Hair

Salmon

When it comes to foods that pack a beauty punch, it's hard to beat salmon. Loaded with omega-3 fatty acids, this high-quality protein source is also filled with vitamin B-12 and iron.

"Essential omega-3 fatty acids are needed to support scalp health," says Andrea Giancoli, MPH, RD, a dietitian in Los Angeles and a spokeswoman for the American Dietetic Association. "A deficiency can result in a dry scalp and thus hair, giving it a dull look."

Vegetarian? Include one or two tablespoons of ground flax seed in your daily diet for some plant-based omega-3 fats.

Dark Green Vegetables

Popeye the Sailor Man didn't eat all that spinach for healthy hair, but he could have. Spinach, like broccoli and Swiss chard, is an excellent source of vitamins A and C, which your body needs to produce sebum. The oily substance, secreted by your hair follicles, is the body's natural hair conditioner.

Dark green vegetables also provide iron and calcium.

Beans

Beans, beans, they're good for your ... hair?

Yes, it's true. Legumes like kidney beans and lentils should be an important part of your hair-care diet. Not only do they provide plentiful protein to promote hair growth, but ample iron, zinc, and biotin. While rare, biotin deficiencies can result in brittle hair.

Blatner, who is also a spokeswoman for the American Dietetic Association, recommends three or more cups of lentils or beans each week.

Nuts

Do you go nuts for thick, shiny hair? You should.

Brazil nuts are one of nature's best sources of selenium, an important mineral for the health of your scalp.

Walnuts contain alpha-linolenic acid, an omega-3 fatty acid that may help condition your hair. They are also a terrific source of zinc, as are cashews, pecans, and almonds. A zinc deficiency can lead to hair shedding, so make sure nuts are a regular on your healthy hair menu.

Poultry

Chickens and turkeys may have feathers, but the high-quality protein they provide will help give you the healthy hair you crave.

"Without adequate protein or with low-quality protein, one can experience weak brittle hair, while a profound protein deficiency can result in loss of hair color," Giancoli tells WebMD.

Poultry also provides iron with a high degree of bio availability, meaning your body can easily reap its benefits.

Eggs

When it comes to healthy hair, it doesn't matter whether you like your eggs scrambled, fried, or over easy. However they're served up, eggs are one of the best protein sources you can find.

They also contain biotin and vitamin B-12, which are important beauty nutrients.

Whole Grains

Sink your teeth into hearty whole grains, including whole-wheat bread and fortified whole-grain breakfast cereals, for a hair-healthy dose of zinc, iron, and B vitamins.

A whole-grain snack can also be a great go-to food when your energy is zapped halfway through the afternoon, and you've still got hours to go before dinner.

Oysters

Oysters may be better known for their reputation as an aphrodisiac, but they can also lead to healthy hair -- and who doesn't love that?

The key to their love and hair-boosting abilities is zinc -- a powerful antioxidant.

If oysters don't make a regular appearance on your dinner plate, don't despair. In addition to getting it from whole grains and nuts, you can also get zinc from beef and lamb.

Low-Fat Dairy Products

Low-fat dairy products like skim milk and yogurt are great sources of calcium, an important mineral for hair growth. They also contain whey and casein, two high-quality protein sources.

For some healthy hair foods "to-go," try throwing a yogurt or cottage cheese cup in your bag when you head out in the morning to snack on later in the day. You can even boost their hair benefits by stirring in a couple of tablespoons of ground flaxseeds or walnuts for omega-3 fatty acids and zinc.

Carrots

Carrots are an excellent source of vitamin A, which promotes a healthy scalp along with good vision.

Since a healthy scalp is essential for a shiny, well-conditioned head of hair, you'd be wise to include carrots in your diet as snacks or toppings on your salad.

WebMD

Food for Skin

Oily fish

Most of us have heard the news that it's good for your brain, but did you know that fish is also good for your skin? Oily varieties of fish - sardines, mackerel, fresh tuna (sadly the tinned stuff doesn't count) and pilchards - are packed full of so-called 'good' fats known as essential fatty acids (EFAs), which can calm inflammation and keep your skin moisturized. So they're especially great if you suffer from dry or sensitive skin and eczema. You need to be eating it up to three times a week to feel and see the benefits. If you can't stomach the taste, try fish oil supplements. Or if you're vegetarian, go for flax seed oil, which contains a plant-based version of the EFAs.

Nuts and seeds

Nuts and seeds are a nutritional powerhouse - in other words they contain a great deal of goodness in a relatively small weight. They're crammed with skin-enhancing nutrients - in particular vitamins A and E. You'll probably recognize these as ingredients in your skin creams. They're known as antioxidants and they protect your body and your skin against pollutants in the atmosphere, as well as sun damage. Like oily fish, nuts and seeds are also rich in good fats to keep your complexion nourished and smooth. Try our favorites, sunflower and pumpkin seeds, almonds and walnuts - add to your breakfast cereal, salads or eat simply as a snack.

Avocado

It's seemingly unassuming - but this scaly skinned, green-fleshed fruit is loaded with loads of nutritional goodies to keep your skin looking great, including vitamin E and 'good' (yep, they're not all bad for you) monounsaturated fats. Again these fats keep your complexion nourished, so they're a must-eat if you suffer from dry skin. Mix avocado into salads or transform it in a guacamole with sour cream and fresh chili.

Extra virgin olive oil

Olive oil is so revered in countries like Italy and Greece that it's also seen as a medicine rather than a simple cooking ingredient - and it's common practice to soothe sunburn and other irritations by applying it directly to the skin. You can also feel the skin benefits by eating plenty of the stuff too. What makes olive oil so skin-beneficial is that it's also blessed with the good fats and antioxidant vitamin E. Plus it has the added benefit of looking after your heart. It can be expensive but if possible use it in place of your regular cooking oil, drizzle on salads, pasta dishes and pizza.

Berries

They taste like sweets, but unlike pick 'n' mix, blackberries, raspberries, strawberries and blueberries are full of goodness for your skin and super-charged with the antioxidants vitamins C and E. Over and above any other nutrient vitamin C is the great skin restorer; it helps produce a 'scaffolding' tissue called collagen, which is vital for keeping the complexion plump and smooth. Best of all, berries are versatile and delicious so it's no effort to add them into your diet; eat them as a dessert, snack or on breakfast cereals.

Spinach

Ever noticed that Popeye has great skin as well as bulging biceps? Probably not. But you can credit his love of spinach for his rude health. Spinach - and other leafy greens like cabbage, kale and watercress are a great source of antioxidant vitamins A, C, E and the mineral iron - essential for keeping your blood healthy and your skin bright. They're also rich in B vitamins, so they have the added benefit of boosting your energy (and so in turn your activity levels and your 'glow' factor). Try adding rocket, watercress or baby spinach to your regular salad and in sandwiches. And, honestly, cabbage doesn't have to be the limp school-dinner affair you're used to - use it raw in salads or in stir fries so it retains some crunchiness.

Mango

Beta-carotene is the nutrient that's supposed to help you see in the dark, and it's crucial for your skin. It also gives mango, and other fruits and veg like carrots, sweet potatoes and apricots, its distinctive orange color. It's converted by your body into vitamin A and is so important that it's often prescribed as a topical treatment (one that's applied directly on to the skin) for acne. Replace your regular baked potato with a sweet potato or try a thick, wholesome carrot and coriander soup. Got a sweet tooth? Whiz up a ripe mango with orange juice or plain yogurt for a healthy breakfast smoothie.

Whole grains

Having a healthy digestion is essential for your complexion - because if your body isn't able to get rid of waste efficiently, toxins will build up and show on your skin. Whole grains, the brown, wholemeal versions of everyday essentials like bread and pasta are packed with fiber for your digestion (which also means they keep you feeling full up), plus iron and another skin-loving nutrient, vitamin B. Swap your usual processed 'white' carbs for wholegrain versions, such as granary bread in place of white sliced loaves and brown rice for your usual long-grain.

Pro biotic yogurt

You've seen the 'friendly bacteria' ads, right? Live yogurts are crammed to bursting with good bacteria - Lactobacillus Acidophilus if you want to be precise - that keep your digestion and hence your skin, in tip-top health. Research shows that a daily intake can help eczema sufferers. Use in fruit smoothies, salad dressings and as an alternative to cream in desserts.

Green tea

It's good for the heart and is increasingly used as an ingredient in top-of-the-range skin creams. The reason? It's bursting with antioxidants, called catechins, which are also said to fight viruses and slow ageing. It's an acquired taste but try to have about one to two cups daily.

TheSite.org

Mondays...

The weekend went by so fast... but I managed to catch up on some sleep and fiance is back to normal... therefore, giving him space is right ;)

Anyway, some simple ways to beat Monday blues....

1. If you can, sleep in an extra hour on Monday mornings. Going to bed early on Sunday night doesn't always help because most people will remain awake until their usual bedtime.
2. If you can't sleep in by a full hour (and most of us can't), take action Sunday night to shorten your morning preparation time so that you can set the alarm for 15 minutes later than usual. Wash your hair, pack lunches, lay out your outfit or pack your briefcase on Sunday night.
3. Hop out of bed the moment you wake up on Monday morning. Lingering in that downy comforter will only draw out the agony.
4. End your shower with a jolt of cold water to tear yourself out of your grogginess. Or exercise in the morning to get your blood pumping and to release those feel-good endorphins.
5. Get out in the sunlight. Bright light tells your body that it is indeed the morning and helps reset your internal clock.
6. Drink coffee or another caffeine beverage. Although it's not healthy to drink caffeine to the point of addiction, caffeine, when used in moderation, can give your Monday mornings that much-needed oomph and alertness.
7. Anticipate your Monday morning on Friday afternoon. Fight the temptation to race away from a messy desk. Clean up your desk and leave yourself a to-do list to make Monday morning a little more tolerable.
8. Make Mondays your look-my-best day and should be strictly for wearing the clothes you like most. Even if it means wearing that red shirt/sari you were saving for a special occasion. Instead of the greys and navys, go for bright colors, some of that sunshine yellow or fiery red is bound to rub your blues away.
9. If you're really down, call up a friend — in all probability, he might be equally blue and would love to hear from you. Or mail your pals and bitch about your blues. As all of them crib about Mondays (this does work!), you'd know you aren't alone and will feel better. Those not big on mails, read something funny, start the day with a smile!
10. For all you foodies — grab your favorite chocolate and eat it all by yourself, right in the morning. Nothing is better than the guilty pleasure of early-morning-chocolate. A high for sure. You're on a diet? Then make Monday your binge day. Believe you me, food is the best way to beat the blues.
    
11. Make sure you finish all the dirty work on Friday itself. Keep Monday for a fresh start. That way, at least there's one thing less to bog you down on a Monday. Now that you know how to chase your blues, have a very happy Monday, remember the weekend's just five days away!
12. AND this Friday is Labor Day (1st May 2009), so you'll only need to work 4 days this week. Yay!