I have come across many friends who are either in control and set in their lives or some who constantly complaints and have issues. I bet we all have friends who loves to complaint and nothing seems to work for them.
Does it annoy you? Is it tiring having to repeat yourself in how to deal with some issues? Does it strain your friendship? To some extend... yes. We are being a true friend, trying to help them in going through difficult times. But when what you have said fell on deaf ears or your friend is in denial about a lot of things or defensive or just want someone to hear them complaint or worse of all is affecting you... then you will start to back off a little.
Friends like this... common questions we have are... why are they like this? how come they don't see it? how do I tell him or her anymore? what else can I do or say? when is this gonna end? can I take this any longer with him or her?
When this is happening, I think that we as friends who wants to keep this friendship, should be upfront and be able to talk about things. Tell your friend that this is how you feel. Not that you don't care but you seemed like you are of no help or whatever reason that you are experiencing. Talking about it is better than slowly backing off and then loosing the friendship.
People who are having problems... if it is too overwhelming in their opinion, they tend to move to a defense mechanism, which is in denial... that answers why they tend to deny a lot of things or do not see it your way... remember, people outside the picture see things clearer. Besides, people having problems always wanna know why and how... when they get an answer WHICH is something they wanna hear, then they will drop it. If they do not hear what they want, they will continue on. This is because they in actual fact do know what to do, they are the experts in their life, but they have no confidence, am not sure, or just want someone to back them up. Therefore, they will continue on this process of searching from someone else instead of within themselves.
I do have friends like this... I do feel irritated... it is difficult to tell them as a friend about what to do and what I think after being in this field because being a counselor or psychologist, we should not advice but help clients untangle their issues so that they can see it clearer and come to a solution. But some friends expect me to help them in as a psychologist and a friend. This can't happen concurrently but somehow they will not understand and still insist.
So, in conclusion, psychologist and counselors are not problem-free people... we have our ups and downs, issues like anyone else because we are all humans after all... But, patience is the way to go... having friends who do not understand, constantly tell them. After a while they will get it because if something is not true, but is drilled into you frequently, you tend to believe is at the end of the day :) Thus, conflict is resolved... Of course it is easy to say than done... but here comes patience again... never tried never know!
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