Feelings VS Thoughts?

After a tiring and stressful morning in court… I went home, sat down, forced myself to eat, and then I just fell asleep. I suddenly woke up in tears… I noticed I have been dealing with issues, just by being a thinker, solving it, the best way and logical way possible. But I have neglected my feelings… It's like the reverse of someone going through grief. They go through the emotions, but most not accepting the lost of someone, or vice versa. Either way it is not healthy.

The feelings were constantly creeping out of me and mainly my throat. I constantly swallow it down. I answer every question pertaining to it, with confidence and strength. When strength is something I lack emotionally. Cognitively I'm strong, but emotionally I am as weak as a kitten. I constantly hold my head up, saying I'm ok, stopping myself from crying, because I don't want to feel weak in the eyes of others. Hence, I like my alone time a lot. Even if I breakdown, no one will see me at my most vulnerable time. But I am not helping myself feel better… I am still weak for not facing my emotions like how I face other things (which requires my thought process).

Another lesson I learnt… our feelings are just as important as our thoughts or anything else. If I am able to help others deal with their issues, allow them to cry and just feel it for once, why can't I do it for myself? I have been in an unfair situation, I feel that I have been treated unfairly, but my behaviour is just another injustice I'm allowing to happen to myself. Worse of, I am doing it to myself. I know I can't go on like this… I need to be healthy in every way. So, I gotta face something that I have been avoiding the whole time - feelings and emotions.

What I did was, I let myself cry… being me, I still set limits. I let myself cry for a bit, then I said to myself "enough"… nothing is gonna change, what is done is done, in reality, there is no rewind and no turning back. It's been too far a journey, just continue moving and I will only find myself at peace sooner than I imagined… and I shall wait patiently for that day to come… In the meantime… JUST FEEL...

Regrets...

What are regrets? Was it something we didn't do? Was it something we did and hope we did not? Was it something said or not said? I believe it is more of an injustice we did to ourselves. We can't say I should have, could have or would have… because its in the past. Yet, that lingering feeling of twisting uneasiness deep in our hearts, that's a reminder to us… daily or most of the time. Should we let it stay or let it go?

I'd say both depending on the situation. Take my life as an example, my divorce will forever be something that will both stay and go. How? The good times is something I want to keep forever, while the bitterness will be something I want to let go. Why? Because it will make me feel better, make understand things better, and allows me to live happily after it all. Besides, I've had it for almost 10 years, it's about time for me to let go of the dead horse, instead of dragging it around and wherever I go. Because if I do, I am not living and that's an injustice, which will become a regret someday.

I get questions like, If you could do it all over again, what would you do differently? or Do you think you could love again? or Did you regret getting married? My answers are - No, I won't do it differently because I was a good wife, Yes, I believe I could but I can't promise it will be the same as before, and No, getting married will never be a regret to me because it was not all bad, there were good times. I might not want to get married again, but we never know, when we meet someone, and it feels right, we'll just get back into it. If not, it's not the end of the world. Why? Because I've tried it, I both liked and disliked it in some ways, lessons were learnt, and all these happened while I'm still young. I still have a long way to go, more to live, more to do, more experiences to come, and I get to restart.

I once thought restarting will be tough and I might not be able to do it. But I was so wrong (another injustice to myself), who gets a second chance in life? I get to restart all over again, do it my way this time, and not repeat the same mistakes, which brought me down. It was also the bravest thing I've ever done to myself by getting out of something that is no longer working for me, instead if staying and hoping that things will change for the better. If it could get to such a bad extent, it will take a while to get better and even longer for the emotional healing. I'm not gonna even attempt for the millionth time, because I have tried enough, its not my cup of tea :) All I can say is, it takes a lot of courage to walk out of something that has been a comfort zone for you. But another set of rainbows and sunshines when you're out. Besides we are not the only living planet in the universe. Why think our current situation is the best we could have?

Let's just be fair to ourselves and also our partners. Give yourself and others a chance to restart and be happier. We don't know what else is better out there awaiting us. Don't deprive yourself of a second chance when your current state is not working for you. It's not a grim and bad as you think. Beginning is always the toughest, but in the end, you only have yourself to thank (it's always darkest before the dawn). A leap of faith is what we all are afraid of…

Numerology...

Came across this website on numerology… I've to say they have some pretty interesting insights pertaining to just your birthday…

http://www.sanatansociety.org/vedic_astrology_and_numerology/calculate_your_numbers.htm

I'm a 4!

Have fun!

It's not that bad being divorced! ;)

6 Little-Known Benefits Of Being Divorced

Written by Alexandra Churchill for YourTango.com

(Originally published on YourTango.com)

We're not going to cut corners here: Finalizing your divorce sucks, plain and simple. You struggled to make it work with your (now ex) spouse for years. You uncovered the half-truths and the deceptions, and at times even made excuses for them; you doggedly tried to brush off concerned questions from your family and friends. And while you didn't want to do it, you knew it had to be done. You filed for divorce.

And now that you've received those final divorce papers, it's natural to want to curl up into a ball of despair, mourning the loss of your relationship and fretting about what life's next chapter has in store for you. But now that you're free from an unhappy marriage, it's the time to give yourself some TLC! To get you motivated, here are some study-backed facts that'll make you feel better about being newly single again.

1. You Can Be Happier 
So you're divorced and feeling doomed to the single life, right? Don't worry. Despite how you may feel now, odds are your depression won't last forever. Maybe this bit of news will lift your spirits: Researchers at London's Kingston University found thatwomen feel much happier for up to five years following the end of their marriages. And no, it wasn't just because they had finally broken free of their unhappy marriages. They felt more content than they had in their entire lifetimes. So what were you saying about "marital bliss," again?

2. You Will Be Healthier Than If You Stayed Unhappily Married 
Researchers love to praise marriage as a health-boost (they clearly were never stuck in a miserable marriage.) And the rest of us tend to think that a marriage is better than no marriage at all. And while all the stats and studies love to tout the benefits of being hitched, we often forget that it's not about the marriage as much as it is the quality of the marriage. There's been plenty of science to prove that an unhappy, conflict-riddled marriage can be worse for you health-wise than if you were single. And if you hadn't broken up, you would still be at an increased risk for heart disease, cancer, arthritis, diabetes and depression.

3. You Can Avoid Financial Frustrations Of Married Couples 
It's the common belief that getting married can be one of the smartest financial decisions you can make: a surplus tax break, not to mention cutting expenses in half. And yes, your divorce was costly, but there are some instances in which that divorce could be financially advantageous. Enter the Alternative Minimum Tax or AMT. The AMT was originally designed to prevent the wealthy from taking so many deductions that they end up paying little or no taxes, but it's unintentionally hurting more middle-income married couples. And that's just the start. From tax breaks to health insurance, it proves that being hitched doesn't always pay off. And while we definitely aren't suggesting that you sacrifice a happy union for a little extra cash (you could also say that's abusing the system), if you're already divorced, isn't it nice to know that your one step ahead in avoiding these insane (yet legal) loopholes?

4. Your Kids (If You Have Them) Will Be Better Off 
Don't think that just because you try to "stick it out" for the kids that they will be happier. Kids will appreciate two homes where Mommy and Daddy are separately happy over one home where Mommy and Daddy are hurling insults at each other and using them as pawns in their mind games. Once you and your ex split, the tension is gone and the kids can breathe again. By divorcing from an unhappy marriage, you're showing that you deserve to be in a supportive relationship and that's the best thing you can model for your little ones.

5. You'll Be Happier In Your Next Marriage 
If you fall in love again, don't be intimidated by the idea that you don't have what it takes to make a marriage work. You actually have better odds at making your marriage last having been married once before. In fact, a study found that people who remarry are less likely to get divorced. According to the Marriage Foundation, 45 percent of first-time marriages are destined for the divorce courts. Compare that to 31 percent of second-time newly weds ... how do you like your odds, now?

6. You'll Have An Easier Retirement 
As we've already mentioned, we rarely escape from an unhappy marriage expense free. However, a study proves that divorced women are often better off in late age. Researchers at the University of Connecticut, Social Security Administration, and National Institute of Aging dug back through 40 years of Census Bureau and Social Security data to see how divorce affected women's earnings over their lifetimes. It turns out that the earnings growth was greatest for divorced women who never remarried. They were more likely to delay drawing Social Security benefits, resulting in higher lifetime benefits than married women. Financial independence is worth it!