Feelings VS Thoughts?

After a tiring and stressful morning in court… I went home, sat down, forced myself to eat, and then I just fell asleep. I suddenly woke up in tears… I noticed I have been dealing with issues, just by being a thinker, solving it, the best way and logical way possible. But I have neglected my feelings… It's like the reverse of someone going through grief. They go through the emotions, but most not accepting the lost of someone, or vice versa. Either way it is not healthy.

The feelings were constantly creeping out of me and mainly my throat. I constantly swallow it down. I answer every question pertaining to it, with confidence and strength. When strength is something I lack emotionally. Cognitively I'm strong, but emotionally I am as weak as a kitten. I constantly hold my head up, saying I'm ok, stopping myself from crying, because I don't want to feel weak in the eyes of others. Hence, I like my alone time a lot. Even if I breakdown, no one will see me at my most vulnerable time. But I am not helping myself feel better… I am still weak for not facing my emotions like how I face other things (which requires my thought process).

Another lesson I learnt… our feelings are just as important as our thoughts or anything else. If I am able to help others deal with their issues, allow them to cry and just feel it for once, why can't I do it for myself? I have been in an unfair situation, I feel that I have been treated unfairly, but my behaviour is just another injustice I'm allowing to happen to myself. Worse of, I am doing it to myself. I know I can't go on like this… I need to be healthy in every way. So, I gotta face something that I have been avoiding the whole time - feelings and emotions.

What I did was, I let myself cry… being me, I still set limits. I let myself cry for a bit, then I said to myself "enough"… nothing is gonna change, what is done is done, in reality, there is no rewind and no turning back. It's been too far a journey, just continue moving and I will only find myself at peace sooner than I imagined… and I shall wait patiently for that day to come… In the meantime… JUST FEEL...